When my tears get stuck
Do you cry at movies, even sometimes TV commercials?
Weeding through the bombardments of nasty Internet headlines I can’t seem to resist the ones about soldiers returning home from Afghanistan and reuniting with their families. It lets me cry. Sometimes I like to cry.
Here’s what I’ve discovered………
There is a deep and familiar intense ecstasy in reuniting with a beloved. You want the reuniting high to last forever…but it always fades. For a moment it fills the empty space in your heart with happiness. Then just as the day turns to night, the high slowly dissipates. Familiar emptiness creeps back in to that once ecstatic space and there you again, helplessly occupying the land of the empty void.
I spend much of my work week with my consciousness focused in my intellect. Thinking, problem solving, intuiting, listening, I’ve got that 6th chakra cranking it out. Then there’s the transition of leaving work to home and family. More problem solving, listening and sometimes mental sparring with demands from family. The stakes at home are higher because they involve my closest relationships and emotions.
Shifting from my intellect to my emotional heart is not a natural automatic response. It takes time and some breathing space. I have to drop in to my body and focus inward. If a conflict happens it requires self reflection. I have to enter the void of my inner space and ponder, why I am reacting. I’m defensive. What am I actually feeling?
Emotions run hiding. They escape into my backache, the pain in my neck, my stomach ache…how to get them out??? Is it anger, frustration, irritation, sadness, helplessness? Then even if I ‘figure it out’ how do I do the work of actually feeling it? And why would I want to, it’s PAINFUL!
Most often tears come when I feel helpless about something. I’ve learned when I feel sad, I often withdraw from other people and don’t feel like talking. If I don’t find a way to connect to my grief, it turns into depression.
The other day, my cousin stomped into my room to say goodby. I know him well by now. Are you angry about something? When he started talking about his partner who has cancer, tears welled up. After he cried, his whole body softened.
One of my good friends gets wound up like a top when she feels sad and helpless. She drinks even more coffee and runs around super speed trying to do too many things at one time and getting nowhere. If I can get her to stop long enough and connect, first she becomes hysterical, then she bursts into tears.
Maybe you go about the business of consciously or subconsciously side-stepping emotions to escape with through other avenues. Is your emotion avoidance drug of choice, pot, drugs, alcohol, food, TV, Internet, facebook, work?
You’re not a robot. You’re not a machine. Yet you might have high expectations of yourself and others to behave systematically and reasonably at all times. You might be afraid if you do feel your feelings you’ll express them inappropriately or feel too vulnerable.
It takes time to connect to the intense feelings that make your tears get stuck. It takes, reflection, pondering, sometimes a good listener, therapist or Energy Healer to help you access authentic feelings. It takes a fearless commitment to enter into what may seem like a dark unfriendly inner space. In venturing in, that’s where you find the truth, that your feelings belong to you but don’t define who you are. Helplessness turns into freedom when you venture inward, and you learn how to have a fearless heart. Want to learn how to have a fearless heart? Practice entering the void. And you’re welcome to join us at the next class where we’ll teach you how to do that.