Love and disappointment
Her: It’s only once a year. We haven’t talked about what we want to do.
Him: Well, what do you have in mind?
Her: I’d love it to be your idea this time. Seems like I’m always the one making the decision.
Him: I don’t know, whatever you want is fine with me.
Her: This is exactly what I mean!
Him: If I choose, it’s never good enough.
Her: Well that’s because you don’t choose anything special.
Him: That’s exactly what I mean! You want me to choose and then when I do, it’s never good enough!
Does this conversation sound familiar? For many of us Valentine’s Day is a wonderful romantic time together, for others it’s a set up for disappointment. For some who don’t have a romantic partner it’s a reminder of feeling alone and isolated. For some it’s an expectation of sex. For others it’s a fear of being expected to be sexual when you don’t want to.
Bottom line: We are all seeking an internal feeling of loving fulfillment. On Valentine’s Day we relate that feeling of fulfillment to a perfect image of someone sweeping us off our feet with flowers and candy, a romantic dinner out, perfect weather, perfectly loving attention in just the right amount ending with romantic and intimate love making. And there are some who experience just that! The disappointment is that even if it is a “perfect” evening, it’s temporary. The next day, week or month, an inner feeling of lack and longing for more, returns.
What to do?
First, understand that the perfect date, relationship or lack of having a relationship is temporary. The best and worst case scenarios are perfectly imperfect because they are temporary. The feeling will be short lived no matter what. Therefore, there will always be, eventually, a feeling of disappointment.
Second, understand the real reason for the internal experience of disappointment, because even though we know intellectually to expect imperfection and we get the temporary nature of life, we still want perfect, everlasting love! Why? Because there is a calling from our Divine soul within that knows there is something permanent and perfect that is NOT disappointing. It’s the cry of the Divine soul but we are trying to satisfy our soul by feeding it the wrong food. It will not be satisfied by imperfect, temporary worldly love or fine wine. Your soul seeks satiation from connection with the perfect Divine Lover.
Third, how do we make a Divine love connection? This is the most intimate relationship we can have. It can’t be found outside. We must delve deep into our heart center, through prayer, through meditation, through spiritual guidance. Each of us has had moments in our lives where that connection happened and the experience was blissful. Perhaps it was in a church or temple, perhaps sitting on a mountaintop, perhaps, being alone in your room and simply in deep reflection of the higher power that created you.
Finally, your soul is longing for connection with its perfect Divine creator. At Christmas time, when parents give their children gifts, the most gratifying moment for a parent is when their child comes running to them and throws their arms around them in happy gratitude. When the child loves the gifts more than the giver of the gifts, the parent feels disappointed. This Valentine’s Day, remember to throw your arms around your creator by going within, thank Him/Her for the perfection only HE/SHE can create, feel the loving joy flow from your Divine Creator at the fact that you are paying attention to HIM/HER. You’ll feel Their Divine love flow into your soul and have a happy Valentine’s Day with your perfect, forever, lover.
Lionheart Institute Founder,
Laura L Fine